Things to do in Denver When You're Horrendous

So I just got settled in at my quaint little room at a Days Inn just outside of Denver, CO. I don't remember if I even mentioned it in previous posts, but I'm going to Nantucket for a month or so to chill with family, but will be back in Vegas sometime in the Fall. I'm driving out (unfortunately alone this time), and just arrived in Denver after a pretty grueling 11 hour caffeine and beef jerky fueled session. Although some of the scenery was incredible, the day was painfully boring overall.
The only moment of any interest happened at an Arby's somewhere in Utah, where I was picking up the first of what would be a long line of lifespan-shortening meals for the day. Let me preface this by saying I've seen my fair share of pathetic people in my day. I've been to West Virginia, Kentucky, Arkansas...hell, I grew up in fucking New Jersey, so let's just say I'm no stranger to lower life forms. However, the scene I walked into far surpassed anything I could have imagined in terms of sheer atrociousness. Picture the Cantina scene in the first Star Wars, only the characters involved have half as many teeth. Anyway, as soon as I walk in, I recognize what a crucial lack of judgment I've shown by entering the state of Utah, and realize how slim my chances are of leaving the scene alive or without being violated in some way. However, my desire for something fried and/or covered in a horseradish cream sauce overpowered my fears, and I treaded further into the abyss, keeping my head down to avoid direct eye contact with the undead.
I quietly found a spot in line behind a surprisingly normal looking older fellow, and he gave me a cordial nod. I quickly determined that he would be my most likely ally if the cretins decided to band together and attack, and if all else failed, he would serve as an adequate human shield. I quickly scanned the menu, settled on a delicious looking chicken dish, and patiently awaited my turn to order.
While in line, I took note of some of the more interesting characters in the establishment. The first to catch my eye was a tall, burly specimen who was browsing through the various offerings in the beef jerky aisle - a quick aside - I failed to mention that this Arby's was part of a rest stop fully equipped with snacks, NASCAR paraphenalia, bizarre videos (I hadn't realized just how many films Steven Segal had released), and tobacco products of all kinds. Needless to say, the jerky aisle was massive (I was admiring it myself), so it was understandable that a discerning customer would need a fair amount of time to make the proper selection. What was not understandable, was this particular customer's attire. He was dressed in what I imagine is standard Utah garb - flannel shirt, blue sweat pants, trucker hat, and...socks. No shoes, just socks. I tried to work backwards from this moment and piece together what daily events would lead him to be browsing jerky in his socks in a rest stop on the side of a major highway, but I was interrupted by a quick yelp from the hot dog area...
I'm sure you're all familiar with those little glassed-in contraptions that display hot dogs in convenience stores. The dogs sit on heated metal cylinders and just slowly spin there until their temperature approaches that of the surface of the sun. In front of this particular machine was a customer shaking his hand in pain with a lowly hot dog rolling around at his feet. Evidently, he decided to just reach into the machine and grab his meaty treat...with his bare hand. Most wouldn't consider handling a rest stop hot dog without a radiation suit, but to just go for the gold with your bare hand??? I tip my hat to you, sir. Anyway, as he nudged the sorry little dog toward the trash can with his foot (a fully shoed foot, might i add), my turn to order came up.
I weaved my way through a floor full of discarded Arby's food and unsupervised children, and approached the counter, which was being manned by a cashier who appeared to be disappointingly normal. Well, as normal as any teenage Arby's cashier can possibly look. We had an uneventful exchange and I collected my meal, but just as I was turning to leave, I could see fear in his eyes and he silently mouthed the words "Please...take me with you" Although I had to leave him to fend for himself amongst the savages, I've made a vow to one day go back to Utah and save that poor motherfucker from his atrocious fate...
Oh, but yea the chicken was delicious.

House of Cards

Malaise

Eventually I will update this thing, but I've been hard at work sitting in my house playing guitar hero and eating pop tarts. In the meantime, here's a picture of Yoda:

$1500 H.O.R.S.E. Part One

Event 51 was hands down the one I was looking to most this WSOP. There were 3 H.O.R.S.E. events this year, but this was the only one that I could reasonably afford to play, as the other two had buy ins of $3k and $50K respectively. For all you non-poker nerds, H.O.R.S.E. is an acronym for Hold Em, Omaha eight or better, Razz, Seven card stud, and Stud Eight or better. In this particular tournament, you play eight hands of each game, and then switch to the next, and so on. What is great about these games is that you have to proficient in many different forms of poker, and they tend to be a better gauge of true poker skill, as opposed to NL Hold Em tourneys where you can basically run well for a while and take one down. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I used to play a ton of mixed games, and really felt like I would have an edge against the field in this tournament.

The night before the event, I decided to play in some single table satellites that the RIO runs throughout the WSOP. Basically, the way they work is that as soon as a table fills up (in the case of HORSE 8 players) a tourney starts, and you play down until there is one player remaining, who wins a seat into the next day's event. In this case, each player bought in for $215, and the winner gets a $1500 seat and $90 cash (the remaining cash is the casino's take). Although these are supposed to be winner-take-all, it is extremely common for players to make a deal, and split up the prize pool when it is down to 2 or 3 players. Anyway, out of the 3 that I played, I chopped one heads up, chopped one 3 ways, and took 4th in the final one, only after a pretty ridiculous Razz hand (although some may contend that all Razz hands are ridiculous). Although I whiffed on the final one, it was probably the most enjoyable poker I've played all series, as Steve Dannenmann and some other characters were at my table, so we had a blast.

Anyway, after playing so well and having made most of my buy in for the event, I was extremely confident. In fact, I really felt that there was no reason to not final table this event - I was just playing that well. When we started playing at about 5pm the next day, my confidence was bolstered even more, as most of the players at my table were pretty clueless. There were a few that were competent at some games at awful at others, a few that were awful at all of the games, and maybe one or two who seemed proficient in all of the games. The first few levels went pretty smoothly, and it wasn't until the Stud round in level 3 or 4 that I ran into trouble...

Close

Went pretty deep in yesterday's event, $1500 H.O.R.S.E. Ended up finishing 34th, and will come back later to post some hands and discuss.